The very best of Amazon customer’s reviews

Published on: Mar 01 2012 by Tom

Here’s a selection of reviews I’ve seen on Amazon that I thought I’d collect together for other’s entertainment. Enjoy.

Microwave for one – $19.92

Buy this book, or don’t, I don’t care anymore
“It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I’d want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather’s shotgun.”

Box Canvas Print of Paul Ross – £2,500

20 inches of total nirvana
“For a while I considered mounting a large number of these on my ceiling to create a Paul Ross canvass ceiling but unfortunately I realised that this is what my wife would be staring at during our frenzied horizontal moments, and what kind of a man can compare to Paul Ross in the bedroom? “No-one” I hear you cry!”

Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant – 55 Gallon – $1,495

Couldn’t be happier with the product I received!
“I not only used this drum to help improve my sex life, but I also was able to fix my car, through a savvy party that entertained both young and old, fix my squeaky back door, reach nirvana, and finally create that ultimate slip in slide that I truly desired. “

Penetrating Wagner’s “Ring” (Da Capo Paperback) – £21.95

Total Immersion in Wagner’s Ring
“Bravo to these talented writers for opening up Wagner’s Ring on the international stage and helping us all to enjoy it.”

Original Three Wolf Moon Adult T-Shirt – £12.99

Feel the power within
“Then it happened. My whole body shuddered, my limbs exploded into action in a Pop Eyesque fashion, I looked at my hands and they were tingling. When I glanced in the mirror I was amazed by my eyes they were on fire.”

Bic Crystal Ballpoint Pen, Medium Point, Black –  £1.03

Very good if you need to write on paper
“Today is the fourth day of ownership of my pen, and I have to say I’m starting to treat it like an old friend. I walk around the office with it clipped in to my shirt pocket and someone in the accounts department actually asked to borrow it while we were both standing at the photocopier. Would you believe it, they actually tried to walk away with my pen! “

Boldtext Pew Bible: King James Version – $7.88

Obviously tainted by word of mouth
“I really liked this book as a kid. I was certain that it’s many entertaining stories about betrayal, trust, kindness, sodomy, etc. Were leading me into a life of happy sunshine gumdrop jelly rolls. I was mistaken.”

3M 8979N Performance Plus Nuclear Duct Tape – $18.12

Please avoid the mistake I made
“The languorous but potent Sigma waves emanated by cold fusion have escaped slowly but inevitably from our hitherto secret research facility. They have begun with a grim, inescapable determination to deactivate the electromagnetic bonds that unite all matter in the universe.”

Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable – $400

Use at your own risk!
“The first time I downloaded a picture to the printer over this cable, the bits moved so fast the printer collapsed into a naked singularity, right there in my office. Since then, I can’t find the cat, and my entire set of VAX/VMS 4.7 documentation has gone missing.”

Plodes RECH reDO Lawn Chair – Black Leather with White Stitching and Cherry Arms – $2,800

Lawns everywhere yearn to be adorned with chairs of this quality
“The title of this listing, although boasting an impressive mix of capital and lowercase letters, really does not do the chair justice. Plodes is known for making top quality lawn furnishings, but they really went over the top with their new RECH reDO line. I was pleasantly surprised to find that this chair does not arrive in the standard cardboard amazon box, but was personally delivered to my house by Selma Hayek, who carried the chair on 7 white tigers.”

Add your own in the comments…

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